I am a real life runaway bride.
I am so scared it’s not even funny.
Ugh.
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I am so torn and so confused. My mind is telling me one thing and my heart another. I’m so tired of being an emotional train wreck. I’ve become so numb to most any feelings. I honestly never thought I’d be here..my life seems to be one big circle, and I keep making the loops, doing the same thing over and over…..and in one way that’s sad to me but in another way it’s so comfortable and it eases my mind. Doing the same thing, and going through the same motions every time calms my mind and reminds me that I’m okay…because nothing changed.
I’m scared that my life will always be this way..but i’m also content with that. I am battling these emotions that I can’t even hardly sort out, let alone deal it cope with and I’m so mentally and emotionally exhausted from it. I feel like I have nothing to give anymore.
:’(

-If you knew what thoughts went through my head today you might not think of me the same way…

-People are so different emotionally and react in such different ways..and sometimes in my mind I picture certain people in an uncomfortable situation, or in a crisis, and imagine how they would act and if they would show love through the fear that’s on them.

-I have had about 50,000 thoughts today and most of them contradicted the one before and then the one after..it’s insane how our minds work. And kind of scary.

I play both parts. I always have. I have to assume both roles. I do what I feel like you can’t do. It’s a mind game I play. Its something that always comforts me, and makes everything that’s falling apart, come together…but only in my mind.

I am a mistake.
I am a mistake.
I am a mistake.
I am a mistake.
I am a mistake.
I am a mistake.
I am a mistake.

Tami Fitzgerald, chairwoman of Votes for Marriage NC, the main group behind the amendment, said: “We are not anti-gay, we are pro-marriage. The whole point is you don’t rewrite the nature of God’s design for marriage based on the demands of a group of adults”.

-I love the way she put this. And I love that N.C. stood up for what’s right biblically.

I should have known.

I finally scheduled an appointment with a therapist..I honestly felt a relief after I hung up from making the call. I am slightly anxious, and kind of nervous, but I am looking forward to it as well. Here’s to hopefully figuring out my weird brain.

1 Peter 5:8

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

My mind has a really hard time coping with certain change. I freak out and can’t deal with it.
Ugh..why do certain things have to change..whyyyy? Why, why, why.

Today I lived the life, loved and adored, I laughed and loved and today I was held and that is the life.

I rarely post anything anymore..because I’m happily busy, busy, busy with the love of my life. :)

I hate you for making me afraid of the things I should enjoy. I hate you for ruining my out look on life. I hate you for ruining my mind and making me so insecure that I can’t stand my own self.
I hate you for all the panic attacks I’ve had before, during and after sex. I hate you for every bad thing you ever did to me. I hate you.

I’m so disgusted with most of the world today…
Abortion IS MURDER you sick fucks.
Quit having sex if you don’t want to get pregnant. I’m so sick of reading your crap about “it’s a women’s choice bc it’s her body..” …shut up and close your legs.
I got pregnant on accident too..and guess what? I chose to be an adult and take responsibility. I chose to NOT murder my baby to “save face”.
You sicken me.